zero sum theory in life
Its hella funny when i got to realize the fact that i cried a lot two days ago, but tonight i laughed a lot with my close friends, which are also my coworkers. I want to remember about this feeling so i wrote this post.
Its been quite a long time since this one close friend of mine hasnt come to work. Actually its been one month since his father passed away. He finally came to work today. I'm really happy, well over the moon to be precise, because he's the one that i talk to the most in the office. When he was gone, office is not the same anymore, there's no one bothering me, or talking shits about the no-good-supervisors, or discussing about work transfer, or simply talking about women lmao.
Tonight all of my close friends, including him, gathered at my place to have dinner together. We usually gather at my place because he brought us this special meatballs from his town. So tonight we have this usual menu as dinner. Finishing our dinner, we talk a lot. Mostly he started the talk. He talked about his late father. He told us how he processed about what happened that day-- when his father passed away. All of the complicated feelings, the complicated events, he told us everything. But there were also some funny stories behind it. He told us that all of his exes came to his father's funeral. Because the funeral lasted few days, few of his exes came few times. Its so funny because his aunt and his neighbor started to tease him because there are so many women came for him.
So, we all also are teasing him. He even continue the jokes that he should have four wives, because all of her exes befriended in the funeral, lmao. After we all laugh hard, suddenly one of my friend asked him, 'so who's the one you gonna choose' my friend didnt let him answer and she said that he should be with me, and my other friends also teasing us. Lmao now the table turns. But i just laughed hard. Its so funny. Because tonight makes me so exhilarated.
Honestly, its hard to see him as a man, because he never sees me as a woman, as simple as that. And he once told me that he only see me as a friend. So i never expect anything from him. Sure we talk a lot everyday. We both go out together a lot. Having a meal, or simply drinking coffee, talking about work or life in general. I almost know all of his friends and exes, but i guess because he has so many friends and exes, so i didnt know all of them. If he started to talk about his friend when we are gathering, most of the time, i can distinguish immediately which friend he's talking about, usually where he's working or whose husband it is or whose wife it is, and etc. There are too many stories that i already knew about him. Simply because he loves to talk a lot, and mostly i love to be a listener. In short, he and i are close but we are not s/o to each other 🫠
When i'm sad that i'm living so faraway with my family, i remember that i still have them here, i'm so grateful for their existence here. I might be crying out loud two days ago. But tonight i laughed hard. Life is all about zero sum like my dearest friend said. Some days you just lose, some days you just win. Some days you feel miserable, some days you feel elated.
