Its been 7 days since you were gone

Today is marked as the 7th day after the day you left. There was a tahlilan in your house. Dinda and I tried to reach your house before the tahlilan ends. But we were stucked in the traffic. We didnt make it. We met your families. We met your mother and sister. Dinda and I also met some of our friends. 

Korean Cute Kids

There is a Youtube channel that I like called ODG. They shoot videos with kids. They shoot their reactions and opinions towards many stuffs. They also have talks with some adults such as singer and actor.

Some of them want to be actress, or simply an adult, or even dont want to be an adult because they think they have to do everything on their own. Same kid, same. I also dont want to be an adult. It only leave a headache on me.

Nonetheless, they are really really cute and they speak very well. You guys should watch them. I am gonna shout their name here, they are:

1) Hyun Ho (instagram.com/hyun_ho_0514)
2) Kim Min Seo (instagram.com/actress_minseo)
3) Chae Ah (instagram.com/chae_oh)
4) Ha Rang (instagram.com/loveankom)
5) Ji Hyo (instagram.com/jihyo514)

Or simply just go to ODG Youtube channel. My favorite talents are Hyun Ho and Min Seo! This is one of the top of my list:

https://youtu.be/sUJrHQV3IhE

Thank you ♡
Hani

감사합니다 ♡

하니

It stings a bit when seeing your IG post with your girl

Silly me opening Instagram this morning. His post in my first timeline. He posted his photo with his girl. Silly me for letting my heart be emotional about him. He indeed has a girlfriend why I even bother to like him from the first place. It hurts a bit when I saw that post. My mood got down a bit. And its still in the morning. Fml. Lol.

I looked at myself in the mirror and said to myself "Dont be too sad, dont be too hard on yourself, hani". At this point maybe I need a new crush soon, because I cant keep loving him because he's taken already. And I cant hurt my heart intentionally knowing all of this will end with a breakheart.

:")

And apparently you are a gemini too (not really surprised)

Dear you the curly one in my office,

Why are you so kind to me and let me get close to you, I like it when I literally can get close to you, I like it but I feel guilty because you are already taken.

I really like it when I can hold your hand and lean my head to your shoulder. I really wanna hug you. But I know its not really proper to do in workplace so I hold it in.

I hate it a bit when you are on the phone with your girl. I know jealousy shouldnt be a thing here, because we knew each other that we both were kidding when we flirt at each other. But still, a little just a little jealousy.

I know I dont stand a chance. And you are also not my type. But you were really funny and kinky and affectionate toward me and I love it.

And another fun fact I got today is that you are a gemini. A freakin' gemini. Why am I always attracted to a gemini.... DAMN. Few months ago, I were close to two geminis and I also had a date with them (of course in different time and place)... why oh why... well it doesnt matter.

The last thing, am I too selfish if I want you for real?

Xoxo,
Hani.

Edit: Its 11:54 freakin pm and I really want to chat you right now, but I know I shouldnt. Because you dont give a damn about me actually. And I should not make it really obvious that I want you so much. FML. Why am I so expressive toward other 😭 I miss you. But I'm glad tomorrow is still weekday so I can meet you.  LOL~

You went too soon, darling. We'll be missing you.

Hey, you there, hey my dear friend...

Why is everything really sudden and surprising..

I dont know you would have gone this soon...

I havent said sorry to you...

I havent met and played with you yet...

I remember once you and I still worked in our previous workplace, we had this one project together, you were always that one that can be depended on, we always talked and told each other stories even not related to work stuff..

After you resigned and I also resigned, we havent talked that much...

I really regret that I havent talked that much with you, a basic hi wouldve not hurt...

I am really sorry that I once had bad feeling towards you because you never came once we had a meetup..

I am really sorry for everything....

May Allah ease your afterlife...

May you rest in peace my dear friend, Eva Nur Aprilia.... al fatihah..

You will always be missed...

I love you.
Hani

Do you mind if I love your significant other?

Dear Diary,

I know I should not do this. I know I should not like him from the start. He is really easygoing and cheerful around people and I like it. And I sometimes flirt at him and he also flirts at me. We know that we are kidding when we do that. But somehow deep down I didnt. I wish he werent kidding.

I know from the start he is already taken by someone else, why am I even trying to like him. Gonna blame my fragile heart for being so emotional (baperan) towards someone's behavior.

I know he is not worth the catch. He is not that cute. He is not that smart. Sometimes he is also stupid. But he is really friendly and we joke on the same level. He is kinky too which I love about him. LOL And another significant fact is that he is someone else's boyfriend. And they are going years and left me no spot in his life.

I should stop thinking about him and considering him. Idk. Maybe I just need someone else's affection and I also need to give mine to someone else.

Xoxo,
Hani

Things I dont like

Let me tell you few things that I simply dont like

- I dont really like the coconut meat in my coconut drink
- I super dont like nuts in my chicken porridge
- I dont like long beans saute
- I dont like sweet coffee latte, I prefer my coffee bitter and a bit sweet
- I dont like sweet tea, I prefer plain tea
- I dont like taking the stairs 😫 im a lazy bum

The list will be kept updated. Lol.

Adulting is hard

Today, I decided all this one-sided crush has to be ended.

Bangsat.

Its hard. I cried tonight.

I really regret that why I let myself to be emotional about this silly feeling towards him. He didnt do anything much, but I want to make efforts for him. Silly me. Its all for nothing. Because from the start, he was never into me. It is only me that was into him.

I am still trying to make peace with my inner self. Accepting all of this is hard. But it is a lesson learned for me.

Rejection is sad. But I also learned from it.

I wish no more one-sided crush in the future... or I wish the next rejection would not be this sad. I can be tougher.

Regards,
Hani

Thank you for making me over the moon

I would like to tell this happy moment before I forget the details, so I should preserve it in writings~

If you have read the previous post, I just had a date with the boy I told in my previous post. 😚☺🙈🙈🙈

Few weeks ago, I was scrolling my Twitter timeline and saw his tweet. He said that he just bought Gundala movie ticket. I replied his tweet saying "ihh ga ajak2 beli tiket aku jg mau nonton"  more or less. I dont think he would private message me and asked me to watch with him because he just bought another ticket 😂😂

Its like your dream crush has asked you to go on a date lol~~

Fastforward to this day, we met in the mall and watched the movie. After the movie, we had dinner. He told me many stories, mostly about his work 😂 but sokay because I like him 😂😂😂 he is such an eye candy and also a gentleman, he admits my presence and ask for permission if he wanted to look at his phone 😍 little thing matters haha. He also paid all the bills. I really wanted to be the one that pays the dinner but he politely refuse the offer.

Mas D why are you very sweet and charming ☺

I'll never forget this day, thats why Im writing this post. I ask to Allah that can I get a partner as charming as you 🙈 I hope everything the best for you, I pray the favors always in you.

Regards,
Hani, the one who's extremely happy tonite~

Malam itu Aku Datang Terlambat

Malam itu aku datang terlambat.

Terlihat dari kejauhan beberapa teman yang telah ku ketahui sejak lama. Aku mengamati seluruh kawan yang datang ke kedai kopi itu. Mataku dengan cepat tertuju padamu. Hatiku sedikit berdesir. Ah manis sekali dirimu ternyata. Aku cepat menyadari kalau itu kamu. Aku telah mencari tahu tentangmu sebelum pertemuan malam itu. Profil daringmu sungguh mengesankan. Fotomu yang kau pasang di tampilan gambar pun cukup lucu. Bagaimanapun juga, kamu yang asli tetap jauh lebih mengenakkan mata.

Aku segera mengetahui, bahwa pada malam itu, aku telah jatuh hati pada dirimu. Aku sangat berusaha untuk mengatur ritme perasaanku. Ditambah lagi, saat aku kebingungan mencari tempat duduk, kau segera bangun dan memberikan kursimu untukku. Aduhai sungguh gentleman sekali dirimu. Kau pun bergegas mencari kursi lain untuk dirimu duduki. Dan kau menggeser kursi barumu itu di sebelahku. Sesungguhnya aku takut kau bisa mendengar detak jantungku saat itu. Beruntunglah desibel detak cardia-ku yang sangat rendah tidak bisa didengar oleh dirimu.

Malam itu aku tidak bisa menyembunyikan senyumku yang sangat sumringah. Aku sangat bersuka cita malam itu. Sudah lama aku tidak mendamba seseorang. Salah satu temanku bertanya apakah dirimu mengesankan. Aku hendak segera menjawabnya dengan jawaban "Iya!" dengan sangat meyakinkan, namun aku urungkan. Aku berusaha menjawab dengan jawaban diplomatis agar aku tidak terlalu terlihat mengagumimu. Hahaha walaupun kini aku menyesal melakukannya.

Dirimu sungguh mudah membawa pembicaraan menjadi lebih hidup. Aku pun dengan mudah mengimbangi topik yang kau sampaikan. Sesekali kau lemparkan candaan. Aku tertawa lepas. Setiap aku tertawa, tingkat kekagumanku kepadamu bertambah. Di saat itu pula, aku berpikir bagaimana cara mendapatkanmu. Malam itu aku sangat bahagia. Sayangnya aku harus bergegas pulang. Ibuku telah mencariku. Selama perjalanan pulang, aku yang tak bisa menahan kegembiraan ini, bercerita kepada 2 orang temanku melalui aplikasi mengobrol daring. Kebetulan, ke-2 temanku ini juga mengenal baik dirimu. Oleh karena itu, aku bercerita kepada mereka, karena mereka mengetahui tentang dirimu. Mulai dari sini, kebodohan diriku dimulai.

Kita sebut saja ke-2 temanku ini bernama Anggrek dan Mawar. Aku berkata kepada mereka berdua bahwa aku telah jatuh hati kepada dirimu. Anggrek merespon kisahku malam itu selayaknya teman perempuan memberi komentar kepada temannya yang sedang dimabuk asmara. Namun, aku menyadari ada sesuatu yang aneh dengan umpan balik yang diberikan oleh Mawar. Karena aku terlalu bahagia, aku tidak terlalu mempedulikan respon tersebut pada akhirnya.

Keesokan harinya saat aku sedang di jalan menuju lokasi tempat kerjaku, Anggrek yang kebetulan berteman dekat juga dengan Mawar tiba-tiba memberikanku pesan singkat daring, dimana isinya menjelaskan bahwa dia memberikanku peringatan untuk jangan berharap kepada dirimu, karena dirimu sedang mendekati Mawar. Aku otomatis tertawa membaca pesan tersebut. Kenapa hidup ini kadang terlalu inisiatif untuk memberikan hal yang tidak terduga. Aku merasa orang paling bodoh. Tidak bisa dibohongi aku pun merasa gengsi. Namun, nasi sudah menjadi bubur, aku pun berusaha menerima fakta tersebut, walaupun itu sulit.

Teruntuk dirimu dan Mawar, aku doakan yang terbaik untuk kalian ♡

-Hani Awaliyah

The Perks of Focusing at ONE TASK ONLY

Wed, August 7 2019

Today is like any other day. I was doing my tasks. But at usual, another task will come up when I focused at that task. In the morning, I had goals to finish creating User Stories for UMS and LMS. It turned out until the lunch time I havent finished any of them because I was disturbed by another task that pop at the same time which was more urgent.

Anyway I had Sumorice - Spicy Gyu Don for lunch. It was really goodddd. Now Im craving it lol. And thank you Grab for giving the promo to cut the original price. So it was quite cheaper. It was a nice lunch indeed.

After lunch, I also checked another tasks and cant finish my first goals. I was asked to check urgent stories that need to be upped in Production. They were about related to API Grade. Thats why it was way more urgent than creating user stories. The problem is really significant because the student's group assignment grade doesnt exist in their LMS. So the UMS team need to fix that. After fixing it in Develop, our VP Engineering deployed it to Staging Env. One of the QA and I checked if the issue worked well in Staging. Finally it went well. So after that the QA did the smoke test. And then the VP deployed it to the Production. I'm glad it was also no problem in there.

When the worktime is over, after magrib time, around 7 pm. I tried to finish my first goals, which is creating stories for LMS. Why I should finish them by today, because tomorrow we will do SPM LMS, so I have it them to be ready so I can finish the SPM faster. I was really focused when I was finishing it because I was not doing another thing rather than creating user stories. I was really relieved because I can finish it in only 1 hour! Lol.

That was all for today.

Thank you.

10 Things About Me (maybe more)

1) Overly sensitive and emotional (baperan)

2) Maybe I look like that one happy go around girl. But inside I am actually mellow and fragile concealing my sadness

3) I am The Pleaser. I dont want to hurt people that I care. I always try to make them happy although it will be hard for me.

4) I often experience that one-sided crush

5) I am not a risk taker

6) I know what I am capable. So I'll stay doing things that I can handle (refer to No. 5)

7) I really like cosmetics or make up. Someday I want to be a famous and certified Make Up Artist and Beauty Content Creator

8) In my leisure time, if I am in the mood, I really enjoy cooking. Someday I also want to own a bakery.

9) Someday I'll resign from my office career when I already have the initial funding to accomplish No 7 and 8

10) I have a gym member but I rarely use it these days. I am a diligent donatur. Its bad I should start exercise soon.

This list will keep updated. Stay tune! Lol

Feeling Blue with No Reason

Today is really indescribable for me. My body is in my office, working and finishing my tasks, but my mind is somewhere else. I can not focus. And my head is aching. And it is still now. I am unknowingly sad today. My feeling is down. In the end of the day when the working time is over, I cried. I cried without knowing the reason. I tried to think what was the cause of me feeling blue like this, I cant seem to find the answer. And it made my headache worse.

During my trip to home, I tried to find the answer. There are some possibilities. Well maybe I am exaggerating, but doesnt everyone who feels blue overthinks everything? 😭 I think its because I failed. Failed in what? I also dont know. But I think I feel failed in general.

If I tried to breakdown them, I feel failed because:

1) I think I have hurt him, he doesnt reply my text anymore, when I tried to ask him why, he confronted me. I was torn by his response. I know we arent a thing anymore. But it hurts me when he ignores me.

2) I envy with them who has privilege in having a good-looking face and body. I know this is a relative and subjective topic, but I can't lie that I also want to be pretty. The ones who are pretty doesnt have to suffer if they like someone, because that someone will for sure like her if they both are in single status. Or in another case, they dont need to look for that someone. They dont need to look for somebody to love or like. Because someone else will fall in love with them and tell them that they like her. And she doesnt have to suffer the heartbreak about the rejection. Or the feel about one-sided crush. I know I sound so petty about this topic, but it is the reality. I really want to be prettier, so I dont need to do big effort in liking or falling in love with someone.... I am exhausted with all of one-sided crushs that I have.. I am tired with all the rejection. Its hard T.T

3) I feel failed because I cant pass my last interview in a big start up company. They stood me up for 2 weeks with no email from them. I know its time for me to let go. Its time for me to fix the lack of skill which I dont have, so I can excel the next interview I will have.

4) I feel failed in my current company because I'm afraid that my close friend will leave me. She told me she will resign soon. She is the one that I always look for answers. She is the one that I discuss about everything whether its about work or life in general. She helps me unconditionally. I'm scared that I can't finish my work properly without her. This is the realest fomo I've ever had.

5) I feel shitty. I keep gaining weight whereas I should start losing weight, because its dangerous for my body. I also never exercise these days. I feel ugly too. I eat too much.

I dont know why I feel like this.... I think I have been too far from Allah. Ya Allah help me ease my feeling. Please lessen my burden.. I thank You for everything. I ask You for mercy if I've been far from You. Please revive my Iman.. Astagfirullahaladzim.. T.T

4 DAYS ITINERARY BANGKOK AND CHA AM 2018

Dear my reader(s),

Its been quite a while, I havent posted any single post in my blog *sweeping the floor*. I dont know I have been always wanting to write here writing about my experience or just sharing my thoughts. But it always seems hard to find time. Because now I have the reasons to write, lets share something valuable here.

Going to Bangkok was always my wish after I already had fulfilled my bucketlist to go to Malaysia and Singapore (well I havent written those two trips in this blog, later if I find time, I will). I went to Spore on 2016 and Malaysia on 2017. So I planned in 2018 I need to go to another country, and the nearest after MY and Spore is Thailand. I already had looked for ticket since April, but I found the cheap ticket on May, so I asked around to look for companion, because I need to book fast otherwise, that cheap ticket will be gone, so once I found the companion, although only 1 person, that would do. So thank God, one of my bestie was willing to be my companion to go to Thailand, she also agreed that only she and I that will be going in this trip. So we bought that return ticket (pulang-pergi) for 1.1 million Rupiahs. It is super super cheap, considering the normal price will be starting from 1.7 million rupiah. And talking about the flight date, I asked the ticket seller (I bought from a private account selling cheap AirAsia ticket), if is there any available date, and finally we decided that we will choose December 2nd, 2018 as our departure flight, and Dec 5th as our return flight.

My bestfriend and I didnt talk about the trip after we bought the ticket because it was still far from the departure date. Towards to December, around early November, I asked her if she had time to plan the trip with me, I mean for making itinerary. So we met and decided on some places. Actually lucky me, my coworker just came from Bangkok in few days before the trip planning day. So I asked her if I could have her itinerary, and she sent me the link. My bestfriend and I checked the itinerary and we agreed to have some similar destinations but we also gave it a bit change because we wanted to go to different destination. Apart from plnning the itin, we also booked hostels and bought simcard, transportation card, and attraction ticket we will use there from Klook. The total days of our trip would be 4 days and 3 nights. The complete schedule along with the photos I will explain below:

DAY 1 - Dec, 2nd 2018

This day was our departure date. It was sunday, so I told my best friend to stay over the day before so she wont miss the flight, because her home is quite far from the airport. The flight was on 7 am, so my friend and I went to the airport at 5 am. My dad and my mom took us the airport. We arrived at 5.30 am, yeah it is pretty near. So we were waiting for the flight.

1. Check-in hostel
2. Shopping in Chatuchak Market
3. Redeem voucher to get transportation card in Siam Center

Can loving someone be effortless?

Hello, long time no see after a few months after graduation, I havent had the time to write anything here or its more correct if I said I have put a lot of time for this one specific person.

Longest Blackout Ever in Jakarta and many other big cities in Java Island! Aug, 4th 2019

Minggu, 4 Agustus 2019, longest day ever and was chaotic for me. I thought that will be another usual sunday where I'll be meeting my friends outside. We promised to meet at Manggarai Station. Then we would continue to take Bekasi Train and would get off at Cakung Station, because we intended to visit Aeon JGC. But the universe had another story for every of us that took the KRL at that noon.

When the train was arriving at the Jatinegara Station, one station away from Manggarai Station, suddenly the train was turning off its ac and the lamp. Upon the arriving in Jatinegara Station, the officer told us to get off from the train and there has been technical electrical issue. At the same time, I also got the message from my mom that told her train stopped in Rawa Buaya Station. Our phone also got no reception. My friends and I assumed the blackout was really massive that it can stop the KRL from working and screwed up the phone provider's reception.

Jatinegara Station was full packed of people. My friends and I were confused whether we should continue to go to Aeon JGC or had a plan B to go to another mall/place. We tried to book an online riding car, but the reception is so bad that we got no connection. So at least we decided to go out of station first. Getting out of the station was another problem, it was really full and it was hard for us to get out, and the queuing was in a mess. Finally we got out of the station.

Outside the station, we tried again to book Grab Car, but still no reception. We tried to stop conventional Taxi, but no empty taxi we could get on. So one of my friend told me we should change our meeting point to Kota Kasablanka, because we can reach it by taking Angkot. Then, we got on the Angkot, we change the Angkot one time to another Angkot, and finally we can reach the mall. In there, we immediately did Dzuhur Pray and had lunch in Ramen place. We also had a chitchat and shuffled the Arisan's winner. Too bad, it wasnt me who won it. Its okay so I can save more lol.

Going home was another issue for me, because I was already far from home and I usually take KRL to go home if I had meeting in Kota Kasablanka. Because it was easier, faster and cheaper for me. But my friends and I know that the KRL havent worked already, so we decided to use the TransJakarta to go home. Fortunately, we can book online riding bike to go to the Bus Shelter. The trip to go home was smooth, I can touch down home safely and sound, and the happiest fact was the electricity was back already. Alhamdulillah.

While I took a rest, I was checking my Twitter, scrolling, and I found something unpleasant. One of my friend who lives in Kalimantan, she tweeted that Jakarta's people was really exaggerating about the black out until it became the Trending Topic in Jakarta and she also laughed at us about it. She said the blackout is a common thing in Kalimantan, so we shouldn't whine so much about it. To be honest, I was really hurt and offended by her tweet. We as in Jakarta citizen feel really surprised by the blackout because one of the fastest and cheapest transportation, which is KRL was down. And added with messy phone reception. It was very chaotic for us because we never really experience this longest and massive blackout. It was really hard for me really, alhamdulillah I was with  my friend, if I was not, I must be really confused, how can I go home lol.

Okay I'm all done ranting about yesterday lol.

I'll add one wise tweet from my friend:



This is some news source about yesterday's event:
https://kumparan.com/@kumparannews/listrik-mati-di-jabodetabek-hingga-bandung-1rbEiELzuTX
https://kumparan.com/@kumparannews/listrik-mati-mrt-dan-krl-lumpuh-1rbEqzruJ4c
https://kumparan.com/muhamadreza/seberapa-kokoh-atau-ringkih-sistem-listrik-terinterkoneksi-itu-1rbYlixvFYd