Feeling Blue with No Reason

Today is really indescribable for me. My body is in my office, working and finishing my tasks, but my mind is somewhere else. I can not focus. And my head is aching. And it is still now. I am unknowingly sad today. My feeling is down. In the end of the day when the working time is over, I cried. I cried without knowing the reason. I tried to think what was the cause of me feeling blue like this, I cant seem to find the answer. And it made my headache worse.

During my trip to home, I tried to find the answer. There are some possibilities. Well maybe I am exaggerating, but doesnt everyone who feels blue overthinks everything? 😭 I think its because I failed. Failed in what? I also dont know. But I think I feel failed in general.

If I tried to breakdown them, I feel failed because:

1) I think I have hurt him, he doesnt reply my text anymore, when I tried to ask him why, he confronted me. I was torn by his response. I know we arent a thing anymore. But it hurts me when he ignores me.

2) I envy with them who has privilege in having a good-looking face and body. I know this is a relative and subjective topic, but I can't lie that I also want to be pretty. The ones who are pretty doesnt have to suffer if they like someone, because that someone will for sure like her if they both are in single status. Or in another case, they dont need to look for that someone. They dont need to look for somebody to love or like. Because someone else will fall in love with them and tell them that they like her. And she doesnt have to suffer the heartbreak about the rejection. Or the feel about one-sided crush. I know I sound so petty about this topic, but it is the reality. I really want to be prettier, so I dont need to do big effort in liking or falling in love with someone.... I am exhausted with all of one-sided crushs that I have.. I am tired with all the rejection. Its hard T.T

3) I feel failed because I cant pass my last interview in a big start up company. They stood me up for 2 weeks with no email from them. I know its time for me to let go. Its time for me to fix the lack of skill which I dont have, so I can excel the next interview I will have.

4) I feel failed in my current company because I'm afraid that my close friend will leave me. She told me she will resign soon. She is the one that I always look for answers. She is the one that I discuss about everything whether its about work or life in general. She helps me unconditionally. I'm scared that I can't finish my work properly without her. This is the realest fomo I've ever had.

5) I feel shitty. I keep gaining weight whereas I should start losing weight, because its dangerous for my body. I also never exercise these days. I feel ugly too. I eat too much.

I dont know why I feel like this.... I think I have been too far from Allah. Ya Allah help me ease my feeling. Please lessen my burden.. I thank You for everything. I ask You for mercy if I've been far from You. Please revive my Iman.. Astagfirullahaladzim.. T.T